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You have been out of high school or college for quite some time, you are employed, good looking and ready to get to know someone, and yet no one has ever asked you out, and you’re beginning to wonder why.
Waiting is hard. I understand your plight—I’m currently single and have only dated one guy (and that wasn’t until I was twenty-five!). It’s important not to let your heart sink into despair by dwelling on what isn’t true. We only frustrate ourselves and hurt others by making false assumptions about our situation, such as . . .
Myth #1: There’s something wrong with me.
You believe that if you just changed something about you—your appearance, your job, your personality, your family—then you would get noticed. You assume you’re not married because you’re not ready (or smart enough or pretty enough . . .).
Convincing yourself that you’re the problem isn’t merely an issue of low self-esteem. Ultimately, it’s telling God He got it wrong. Psalm 139 says God meticulously, deliberately, and with great joy determined every single thing about you, from the color of your hair to the way you wrinkle your nose when you laugh.
You are not a mistake or an oversight. You are beautifully and wonderfully made.
As Louisa May Alcott once said, “If God had wanted me other than I am, He would have made me so.”
Myth #2: There’s something wrong with him.
If it’s not your fault you’re still single, it must be the guy’s fault, right? Clearly, he is immature or lazy or distracted. In fact, you’re about ready to believe there’s no guy anywhere good enough!
But elevating your ideals while finding fault with guys in general is not the answer. Maybe you’re no longer pining for a guy, but mentally creating a list of why all men are jerks is no better.
Whenever we set our hopes on a person—or anything other than God—we set ourselves up for disaster. There’s not a single man out there who will meet your expectations or completely satisfy your deepest longings. Looking for a guy to fulfill that is not only unfair to him, it’s idolatry.
That said, it’s also true that there are longings which are, to a certain degree, made only for a husband and children to fill, because that’s how God wired us as women. I don’t mean to make light of that.
Myth #3: There’s something wrong with God.
If it’s not you, and it’s not him . . . is it God? Did His plans for you somehow get lost in the shuffle? Why hasn’t He sent someone your way yet?
Regardless of your doubts or disappointments, hang on to the truth that God is sovereign and good. He doesn’t take joy in dashing your hopes or leaving you in suspense. He loves you and has placed you on a path that includes singleness for reasons perhaps known only to Him.
“God is more concerned with changing you to be a reflection of Christ than with solving your problems.” Your questions or desires may never go away. However, God is worthy of your trust and your worship no matter what unexpected season or trial may come.
Remember that putting too much stock into the here and now will only lead to disappointment. “Your time here pales in comparison to the grand weight of the time eternal you’ll be spending with the greatest Pursuer there is, whether the earthly version comes or not.”
Single girl, there’s nothing wrong with you (or with me!). There’s nothing wrong with him. And there’s nothing wrong with God.
I believe it is possible (and best!) to fully trust God’s plan and His timing, knowing it may or may not include a man at your side. God is wiser than our most brilliant plans, greater than our biggest problems, and has promised His children a brighter future than anything this world can offer.